I let go.

It was pretty sad, I was emotional - go figure. Happens on little sleep. At any rate, I dont think I have ever let anyone down so much before Sgt. Scalise... OR he is just one of those people in life that demand respect and that you feel like you would never want to let down, etc you know?

Well... I felt pretty ridiculous at the meeting. He sat in his chair and went over my pathetic hours for the past few months and then said some people (mainly leadership) were upset at my attitude, which is "snappish" and that I am not whole heartedly participating in trainings and meetings, etc and what is going on to cause all of that? So I gave him my resignation because he agreed that it is hard to find the time to volunteer when you have a full time job and full time school. Also that those two things and lack of sleep due to my schedule explain my behavior and that I should consider taking a leave of absence or resigning. Its a good thing I had decided what to do before I got to the meeting.
As I left, he thanked me for three years of service to the department and I wanted nothing to do but to get out of there. I wasn't proud of leaving, and never quit anything that I loved before. It was pretty difficult.
But now, I just want to put it in the past and slowly get rid of the things that remind me of it. The things that I used to do and people I know from there that I wont be able to do or talk to are all starting to hit me. It really sucks.