loss of a good friend

there is just so much i want to ask... what do you see in me? what are the options... i just dont think the december thing is going to change anything... what happens if others find out? - what about the emails?

No more babysitting, at least not right away. I'm afraid I hurt him and his family, not as much as it hurt our friendship and not as much as it hurt me to loose a good friend. These kinds are hard to come by and take a long time and a lot of faith and trust to develop -- and to ruin it all on curious feelings... well, it was distasteful and careless.

And it hurt. He asked about that, but I told him it didn't.

(much later)

I didnt sleep at all this afternoon and I worried and worried about what Jer would think and what he would say. It turned out ok. He doesnt think its my fault,... he was more worried that I didnt get enough sleep or didnt eat much or at all during the day.

Erick assurred me that Jer would understand, and he did. But I'm still unsure how he feels about everything - it was sudden when I told him... so there's a chance that he may come around to a different conclusion. Even IF he loves me.